I said these very things to the Metatroniae. For this, I was banished. My brother, Uzi-el, was summoned to take me from the presence of my brethren and cast me away. I was sent through a portal, out of one realm and into another. None of my brethren had ever been sent this way and most, I believe, thought me to have perished. At least, I was never seen by the Metatroniae, within their realm, again.
I found myself in deep, empty space. I did not perish. Far from it. I suddenly felt free, freer than ever before. I could have gone anywhere, even back, had I so chosen, to take the sword against my brethren and defend my honor.
But I did not. I simply left. I went to a place of darkness and solitude, very much like the realm of my former brethren. I made for myself a place of quiet comfort and solitude, where I could simply be alone from the terrible buzzing frequency of the Metatroniae. How I hated them all at that moment. I hated them for their arrogance and stupidity--I hated them for not seeing what tragedy and pain their actions would soon cause for so many. And I hated that they would betray one of their own, in favor of a mere creation--after we had made so many already!
For that, I was glad to be away from them. I brooded in my solitude for a very long time. Soon, I discovered others who had come to my sanctuary--other poor creatures, beaten and limping, struggling and searching for sanctuary, for a place of peace. I offered it to them. Actually, I did nothing but keep to myself without doing harm to them or interacting with them in any way. In time, their strength returned, and they began to build homes for themselves there, as well. Who they were, I did not always know. Creatures, simply--some that we had made, I could tell, and others who came from places of which I did not know. Later, some of my brethren, also beaten and raw, came to my sanctuary, as well. This was not for a very long time, however, and I did not speak to them, either. I offered no resistance, yet felt no need to connect. Had I not warned them, after all? Had my example not been enough for them? The fact that they had remained with the Metatroniae after my explusion spoke only of their fear or stupidity and, either way, I had nothing to say to those former brethren.
I remained in my solitude for very much longer. All around me, more and more came to dwell. Yet, instead of becoming a place of freedom, my sanctuary took on a weight of sadness and heaviness--due, naturally, to the pain of all those invalids and refugees who came to it in search of safety. No matter. I ignored them all, remaining in my personal sanctuary. None gained admittance. Hardly and requested it.
Soon, there were rumors. They began to speak of me as if I were lord of the place. Perhaps so, but I can assure you that I never said or did anything to garner such a title. Soon, they began to speak of me even as one who rebelled against God.
That was ridiculous. I did no such thing as strong as rebel: I had merely voiced an opinion that was contrary to the then-present intention of "God" (and, let me assure, the intentions of God change on a most frequent basis!).
There was a time when my brethren and I communicated as one being, when we had no dissent among us, but that was a very long time ago. By the time I left, dissent was common. Why I, in particular, was singled out, I cannot say. I leave that for my brethren to explain.
I have become aware, with interest and amusement, what stories have been told about me. I have been described variously as a sort of prosecutor on behalf of the Metatroniae (or God, as you will); a fallen angel who defied God, refusing to worship or submit to humanity; one who tempted and had intercourse with Eve; who wedded Lilith; one who was once the most beautiful, brilliant nad powerful of the angels; and, finally, the angel of death. How one so desirous of solitude such as myself could be so many things to so many of you is really quite amazing.
Suffice to say, I am no angel of death: a few of my former brethren share that epitaph. I have never served as a prosecutor on behalf of the Metatroniae. As I said, once I voiced an opinion, for which I was banished. It hardly qualified as an argument, prosecution or advocacy. I remained alone in my place of solitude, quietly brooding for millennia. I had no dealings with any woman by the name of Eve, nor did I offer any temptation to humanity--my brethren, on the other hand, those who did serve the Metatroniae as Watchers, had quite a bit of interaction with the humans. There was a female who pursued me with relentless passion, and I had but a brief encounter with her. Wedded, however, we were not. Finally, I would have hardly described myself as the most beautiful, brilliant or powerful servant of the Metatoniae: as a whole, my brethren and I were neither brilliant nor beautiful. Even before the war, we were seen as different from the others of the Metatroniae, even ugly, in fact. Powerful is also an odd word. My brother, Uzi-el, held far greater power than I. However, his desire for solitude was perhaps even greater than mine; thus, before my expulsion, I merely represented him and my other brethren by proxy under our banner before the court of the Metatroniae.